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The Magic of Life
Where has all the bipolar magic gone?! I remember a few months ago feeling like there was magic all around....everywhere! Now, I am craning my neck only to find a desolation of magic in my life. This is where people stop taking their medications. I understand why now. There is this magic in the psychotic. Seeing things in a way that no one else sees things. It makes things feel magical and it makes you feel special. Overall, it is a wonderful "Alice in Wonderland" feeling and experience.

I remember looking at everything through a child-like lens. Everything was new, exciting, and there was something new to discover around every corner. Now, I feel medicated dullness. No wonder I am seeking out shamans for spiritually enlightening experiences. Yes, I want to discover more about the unknown and myself, but I also want to feel more alive. We all do right?!

Before going on medications everything felt more tingly....everything. Sensations were enhanced for every form of my physical existence and emotional for that matter. Right now, I have to accept that I am bipolar and take my medications like a good little lamb. It is, after all, what is best for myself and my family. However, I can miss my previous existence and I often do.

Granted there are things I don't miss like not sleeping and hearing voices, but even those things made me feel unique. Those things made me feel like I had a special ability or something. Now, I am just an ordinary housewife sweeping the floors and scrubbing the toilets like everyone else. I know that is not entirely true, but a part of me feels this way.

Perhaps, I just need to think about magic differently now. Instead of it being this tangible-living and breathing thing, perhaps it is something just below the surface glimmering like waters in the moonlight. This weekend, a little girl captivated me as she was dancing to some LIVE music at a local restaurant. It made me want to dance too! And, we did share a little dancing duet together for a few brief moments. It was a magical, inspirational, and a memorable experience for me. That was a special magical moment. So maybe magic is something we make as well as experience.
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A positive message and a comfortable tee! That is what Love Note Tee has to offer. They have a great variety of messages to include: "I am worthy"! You are worthy, so why not share it with the world!  I just love how comfortable this t-shirt is! Don't take my word for it, however, order one and try them for yourself. Now is the perfect time to stock up on tees for the Fall. Think about it, we will be layering everyday really soon. Love Note Tees are the perfect staple and addition to your Fall wardrobe!
Love Note Tees: Eco Fashion
 Scream 'I am worthy' until the stars collapse upon your brilliance.



I sat in church this Sunday feeling anxious. About what you may ask? Well...first my children. They were very squirmy during the beginning of church. I could just envision them in Sunday school punching another child in the face or throwing paint against the walls. I could just hear the teacher saying, "Let's find your mother",  as she dragged them back to where the service was being held to tell me the dreadful news of their terrible behavior. Of course, that did not happen.

Everyone is staring at me, I just know it! That is how I feel when sitting lonesome in the church bleachers. I also have a tremendous bruise on the back of my hand from Jiu Jitsu. It is like a beacon of bruised light bursting from the seams. It is like the bat signal saying, "look at me!". I shift uncomfortably and then place my hand underneath my church program.

Then, I look over at the woman sitting next to me. She has her hands folded deliberately and firmly placed in her lap. She has a neurological condition in which she has involuntary movements every few minutes. She cannot control this, but is completely aware that other people stare and are aware of these involuntary movements. She sighs heavily after each twist of the neck, legs, or hands.

I now know that I am not the only one anxious or uncomfortable. I can tell it is just as difficult for her as it is for me to remain seated. We both have the urge to jump up and run from our seats, but we find the strength to stay. Anxiety has us frozen in place. I barely heard the sermon and eagerly awaited dismissal. Why did I come to church again? This is difficult to say.

I do know that I made it through the service and I try hard not to use my anxiety as an excuse to stay closed up indoors. This is hard, oh so hard, but I make the effort to stay seated. I could get up and run, but I stay seated. For this, I am proud.
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