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It Was Never Random

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18 Comments
It Was Never Random
On the way home from dropping off my eldest son at school, my youngest son and I spotted three crows having an aviary battle. Back and forth they went diving after one another. Playfully or not it was difficult to tell, but they were definitely "fighting". While my son and I continued walking a rather treacherous portion of King St. I felt danger. Like a car backing out of a hidden driveway, unexpected danger.

I had my guard up for several driveways as I stopped cautiously to look several times before proceeding to the next driveway. Suddenly, a loud screeching and high pitched chirping sounds came from a tree to our left. I turned sharply to my left and saw a hawk going after some sparrows in a tree. They were directly beside us. I could practically reach out and touch the hawk.

A sense of danger is what I felt. Trusting your intuition is incredibly important. You feel, sense, and hear something before you can see it...always. Today, breaking news or perhaps un-breaking news has surfaced that anticholinergic medications can possibly and definitively(in some cases) lead to memory loss, brain damage, and eventually dementia. That includes many OTC medication that folks take daily like Benadryl and certain psychiatric medications. Like the one I take, abilify, is on that list.

I am bipolar as of last month. For 30+ years of my life I have been fine, now repressed memories that I have held deep down inside our surfacing. Back in November 2015, I felt some increased anxiety, so I sought the help of a Childhood Trauma Therapist specializing in EMDR(eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). It triggered my first ever manic episode where I needed to be hospitalized for over a week. They put me first on latuda, which gave me terrible side effects to include restlessness. I just could not sit still even if I was incredibly exhausted. Next on the list, abilify.

Abilify is an incredible improvement and has stabilized my mood to the point where I am ready to tackle these repressed memories. I am hopeful with my good intuition and the help of a good therapist that I will be able to stop abilify in the coming months. Now, it is a sense of hope that is my focus. With the support of my family, my dedication to my health, and God, I know all things are possible. Everything happens for a reason.




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18 comments:

  1. Sounds like a battle that you need to get through yet, but I love your attitude about tackling what it is that you need to. Good luck with everything!

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  2. I'm glad to hear you found help for your bipolar. I'm not glad to hear that you have any issues at all. Those kinds of problems are tough. =(

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  3. Trusting your own intuition is a must. And yes, there are some common meds out there with really, really bad side effects. People assume they're ok and safe because they're FDA approved.

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  4. A lady i work with is bipolar and I see the struggles that she goes thru. Good luck with this sweetie and I hope in the end everything works out for you.

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  5. Keep your head up Momma! You are doing well! This is just a little set back and it looks like you are doing the right things to take care of your family, like trusting your intuition!

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  6. Sounds like you have a road to travel in front of you but you have a positive outlook and support system

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  7. I am glad that you found help. I pray that you improve a lot, so you can stop taking the medication. Good luck.

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  8. Glad you're finding what you need to manage this. Most importantly, do what you need to do stay safe and aware your health needs. <3

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  9. I totally agree, all things are possible. Just don't lose hope. I believe everything will be fine.

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  10. I am glad that you've found help and some answers. I hope that you improve, so you can stop taking the meds.

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  11. It is amazing how many different ways to feel like you are in danger. Glad you are getting help for yourself so important to take care of your self.

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  12. It's great to hear that you managing things yourself. You're doing a great job! Keep it up! It's so great to hear how positive you are too.

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  13. Glad that you are finding ways to manage this. It is amazing what our mind can suppress and when it can pop up.

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  14. I know it can be a long road to find the proper medicines you need. I am so happy you are on the road to recovery.

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  15. I hope everything goes well. I am so glad that you found help, I think you did the right thing!

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  16. Yes always trust your "gut" feeling. I believe it's a sign to be more caution.

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  17. Isnt it incredible how someone can be "fine" and yet it takes just one trigger and suddenly fine seems very relative? I hope you're able to continue working through this!

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  18. Always trust your intuition. It's so powerful! Hoping everything will work out for you.

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